it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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