I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
