I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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