I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
