shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
