So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
