im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
