I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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