To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
