Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
