Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
