the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
