I looked at my own cervix.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
