I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
