did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
