Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
