I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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