so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
