i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm too high and old for this...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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