i can't believe i had my finger in that
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
