Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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