I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
