I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
