my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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