she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize