Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
