speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
