how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize
