Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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