he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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