i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
How many fucks given?
0.12846
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
