I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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