At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
