Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Watching her eat just hurts me
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
