do herpes really smell.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My penis needs a shock collar
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
