Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
