so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
