If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
