I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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