after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
