i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
