dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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