Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
