Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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