two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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