i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Dicks are not precious.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
