This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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