my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
