No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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