Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
