if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
