All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
