what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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