People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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