I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
