I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
