who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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