We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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