Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Randomize
