I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
