So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
