life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
