trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
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