he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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