you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
They have beer where we have blood.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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