They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
