you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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