Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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