we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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