who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
