I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
