either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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