dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
