Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
