she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
