I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
